This is a condensed question pertaining to how one chooses whom is right for them.
When a soul incarnates into a new 3rd density body on earth or any world, they are presented with a circumstance, not of their choosing necessarily but something they can work with, something they can experience and learn from.
During the incarnation that soul will have many more circumstances presented to them which they can choose from, and these choices are sometimes by chance, sometimes by design. And one is not “better then the other” We are here to experience the infinite whole, not to follow a specific path. Empathy and love come from understanding all sides of the situation not from standing on the sidelines wondering how it must feel.
So “How do we choose”? We do what feels most exciting and intriguing and interesting. That is what your soul wants to experience first. And don’t be afraid of it, jump in and just experience it. There is no good or bad, there is no right or wrong, you will gain from any experience.
Just remember it is not about the circumstance you have, it is about what you do with your circumstance that matters. And this rule applies to all things in life, it matters not what you have, it only matters what you do with what you have. Life is about movement, which direction do you move? This is your only concern. You wish to drive to the store, which car do you drive? The yellow one, or the blue one, this is your question you have asked. The car you are interested in at the moment, is the one you drive. One will be more reliable then the other, one will be more exciting to drive, one is more safe, one will bring out your passions. Both will get you to your destination eventually.